Just A Human
by Penelope Jadewing
Summary: Envy was created twenty years ago, and in that short time, he's seen what humans can do. Father says they're not worth his time, but he's not so sure - especially one in particular. She makes him think humans aren't so bad. But when Pride finds out, Envy's dragged before Father, and reminded what his true purpose is through the harshest of teachers: heartbreak. Pre-anime oneshot.


**A/N: So, this is just a little oneshot I've had in the making for several months. Yes, yes, I know I still have Meaning of Life... I just need to figure out what direction the next chapter is going in. XP So I figured I'd just finish this and put it up. Call it a Brotherhood!Envy origin story. I'm also planning an epilogue, but I can't say when it'll be done.**

**Reviews are love! :P Hope you guys like it.**

**~Penelope**

* * *

Father called humans useless. Defective, emotion-ridden, not worth a superior homunculus' time.

Father was wrong.

_He has to be… doesn't he?_

Granted, he was still young, but in his short two-decades-and-a-half of existence, Envy was beginning to wonder what made humans so bad. He saw their cities, their inventions, their resilience. Father called them cockroaches sometimes, a pestilence incredibly difficult to extinguish. But Envy looked, and he saw. He saw their farms, their businesses, their achievements and wondered in awe. No other creature on the planet could do what humans could. Wasn't that a testament to something?

Or it was entirely possible that Envy was biased. In fact, it was quite difficult to concentrate when one thing and one thing only kept invading his thoughts.

_Her eyes like the deepest pools, her hair like the purest ebony… Beautiful_, the word resonated around his mental picture of her. A wistful sigh escaped him.

_What are you thinking, Envy? Do you realize what would happen if anyone finds out? Father will be furious._

_Then he need not know._

"Endor!" The sweet voice bounced off his ears and brought an automatic smile to his face. The young woman bounded up to him from the steps to her master's house, her simple servant's dress playing about her ankles, apron trailing leftover flour. Her white cap hid the roots of her raven hair, and the rest of her curls were pinned up in a tight bun, as was respectable for a servant girl. On the crook of her right arm hung a deep basket, and in her hand she clutched a leather purse. She was going on an errand.

Her face, though normally graced with a sweet smile, was somber and hesitant as she approached. Then he recalled their last conversation, during which she had expressed her frustration at his secrets, and his smile dimmed away. He had, of course, told her very little about who and what he was, and had fabricated a general story of where he came from, just vague and believable enough that she hadn't initially asked questions. This had proved to be a problem as their friendship had grown stronger, and she had begun to ask more of him.

The foreign anger and hurt in her face that day had stung. In his musings, he had forgotten to feel surprised that she had approached him today, after storming off without saying goodbye. In that moment, Envy had wondered if she truly cared… or if Father was right.

"Hello… Endor…" she repeated, clasping her hands and looking at her shoes to compose herself. "…I-"

"Enya-" he blurted, attempting to reassure her, but she held up a hand.

"Let me speak…" She took a breath. "I wish to say that I am sorry for my behavior of late. I… I should know by now to trust you by your actions towards me – your kindness, your care… rather than by things I cannot know. I want you to know that I will respect your privacy. Forgive me?"

A toothy grin spread itself across his face, and he didn't hesitate with his answer. "There is nothing to forgive."

The weight dropped off her shoulders. Her bright smile played at her full lips and she allowed herself an anxious laugh to calm herself. "Oh, thank you… I-I was so distraught last evening. The mistress even asked what was the matter and… I was just so worried that I had offended you beyond reconcile…"

He shook his head, smirking back at her. "You can't be rid of me that easily."

"Yes…" Her sweet smile finally made a full appearance. "Here you were, just waiting for me." She looped her free left arm with his right and beckoned him to walk with her. "I was about to go fetch the master some fruit from the market; would you care to join me?"

Envy felt the heat rise to his ears as he realized he'd been standing there, lost in thought, staring at the front door of the home where she lived and served. What had his face looked like? Had she spotted him through the window before coming out? How embarrassing… He managed to respond casually, however. "I would."

"What are you doing out and about so early, anyway? Did your master give you time off?"

He shook his head, playing along with his story of being a blacksmith's apprentice. "There were few orders to work on. He's making a rapier for Lord Beckett, but besides that, we had nothing to do, and he wasn't about to ask for my help on such an important weapon."

_Such a skilled liar, aren't you? _He stomped the guilt away; he wasn't about to let it ruin his day again.

"Oh, that's a shame; how will you ever learn if he does not let you help him?"

Envy shrugged. He honestly knew very little about industry and business, spending most of his time underground practicing his abilities – mimicking faces, clothing, voices, personalities. He was to be Father's ditto, his spy, his wolf in sheep's clothing. Envy, in a way, was a blacksmith. A forger, but of people rather than metal.

As they entered the market, Enya told Envy of her recent times with her master's children, how well they cared for her, and how lovely her mistress was. She spoke of grand parties that the lord and lady held, of scrumptious food and warm fire hearths and decent company. She also spoke with detest of that crass stable hand, Franz Steiner, who never ceased to harass her with unwanted advances.

Listening to her speak, most might find themselves envious of the quality of life she enjoyed despite being a servant, and considering his natural instinct, he was surprised that he didn't. But when she spoke of Franz, he felt a fierce, raging jealousy roar to life in him, making his brow furrow and his fists tighten. It was the same rush of anger he felt when he noticed the stares of other men when Enya passed by. Too many of them looked at her. But they didn't have permission to stare at her like that. She was _his _friend. Not theirs. And Franz – oh, if Envy could ever get his hands around that knave's throat…

"Oh, don't pay him any heed," she said upon seeing his outward reaction. "That's just what he wants. He likes knowing he can make people angry."

They maneuvered through the market together, and Envy helped her pick out some handsome oranges imported from the tropics in the west, apples and pears from Aerugo, and peppers from Ishval. Then, they both took the two offered cookies from Ms. Krueger, an elderly woman who knew Enya well. Enya yelped with indignation when Envy stole her cookie from between her lips, snatching it away with nimble fingers and prancing on ahead. She gave chase, gathering up her skirts, her shoes clomping on the cobblestone streets.

He cackled as he ran, before he finally stopped, turning around and dangling her cookie over his mouth, moving to touch the tasty morsel to his waiting tongue. Enya gasped.

"Don't you dare!" Though she smiled, she stomped closer. He held it up with his long, gangly arm, far out of her reach.

He gave her a smirk. "And what would I get in return for granting my lady's request?"

"Nothing, you snitch!" She strained to reach the sweet, leaning on him to reach over his shoulder. Unfortunately, with her small stature, she barely reached his outstretched elbow.

So she was a little small; nobody was perfect. And she was a human; Envy could cheat.

He shrugged her off. "Well then." He moved to bite it.

"Hey!" She tried not to laugh, despite her obvious want to have her own cookie back. "All right, all right… I'll do something."

"Such as?" He appeared interested, still holding the sweet aloft.

Without answering his prompt, she glanced to and fro at the passersby, who were already giving them queer looks. Grabbing his arm, she led him to the nearest alleyway.

"All right…" She fidgeted, looking nervous, though Envy couldn't fathom why. "Close your eyes."

He made a face, chuckling. "Close my eyes?"

She acted offended, planting her hands on her hips with a frown. "Yes!"

"Why?" he laughed.

"I can't… Just… Oh, will you just trust me? Please?"

He let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes dramatically and folding his arms over his chest, still keeping a good hold on the cookie. "All right, all right." He obediently closed his eyes, but braced himself for whatever trick or blow she might give him.

But nothing could've prepared him for the soft brush of warm lips against his.

Fire raced down his spine, and he responded almost immediately, returning the kiss he'd never realized he'd wanted until this very moment. He'd never kissed a woman before, however, and followed her lead. She was chaste and soft and sweet and his mind buzzed with ecstasy. Her hands cupped against his neck while his found their way to her waist, holding her close as they kissed in the shadows of that blessed alleyway.

Her hands trailed over his shoulders and down his arms to his hands at her hips, and then she stepped back, away. The kiss broke, her warmth left him, and the cookie pried easily from his limp fingers as his mind raced to recover from the shock of it.

_Oh Father, how can humans be as mediocre as you say?_

Enya smirked, holding her cookie pinched between her fingers triumphantly. "There. Was that so hard?" She nibbled it away while he just stared at her, dumbfounded.

When it was gone, she brushed the crumbs casually from her dainty fingers. He could only think how soft they'd been against his neck.

"Well, then," she sighed, glancing out at the street. "Shall we be off? The master will be expecting me."

He caught her arm before she could go. It was her turn to look at him with surprise, stopping but looking confused as well. "Endor…?" He gently took her chin in his hand and kissed her again.

Minutes passed in sweet silence, broken only by their harmonized moans and occasional gasps for breath. Finally, the servant girl reluctantly pulled away, holding his hands as she inched toward the street.

"I must go…" She graced him with one, two, three last parting kisses before forcing herself to walk away, face flushed, smile playing at her lips, straightening her cap as she went.

Envy watched her go, mind still a little fuzzy. Then what was surely the most ridiculous smile spread over his face, and he may as well have been walking on air as he strutted out and down the street. He didn't know where he was going; he didn't care. He was just walking, feeling the ghostly trails of her fingers on his neck, her lips on his face.

And she was just one human. If she was such a kind soul, how could other humans be so bad? Surely there were others like her – perhaps even those who would be friends, confidants.

_Traitor. That's what you are._

_But I can't bring myself to care!_

"That's quite the expression, Envy," said a sultry voice.

At the sound of his real name, he stopped and turned to look down the alley he was passing. From the shadows, his only sister appeared, arms folded across her generous chest. She wasn't smiling, though; he would have expected her to find his obvious airheaded-ness amusing. "There are few moments that men wear that face. Who is she?"

A blush raged over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and he raked his fingers through the short, dark hair on the back of his head awkwardly. "Uh… Nobody said it was a person; I just had a chocolate cookie, that's all."

Lust snorted, an unladylike sound. "She's a human, Envy. It won't work. It never will."

"But…" He bit his lip as he realized that he'd admitted that she was right in her guess. Her full lips quirked, and he knew she realized the same thing.

"Humans aren't worth the trouble of fraternizing with them," she said haughtily, an air of superiority swelling about her. "They're stupid, petty, and cruel. What happens when she finds out what you are? What you _really_ are? Do you think she would stay with such a creature?"

Green skin, limp hair, eight legs, an eternal manic grin. His true form flashed through his mind, and he shuddered, all traces of the previous euphoria he'd felt vanishing in the wake of his deepest insecurity. He was ugly, underneath it all. He knew that.

And if Enya found out… No, he was not so foolish to think that a human's affections would overlook such a hideous secret. That's why he only hoped she would never know. Then perhaps, he could go on pretending that they had a chance.

"They're not all like you said," he finally retorted, avoiding looking at her. "Humans. They're not all stupid and petty and cruel…"

"I don't see evidence to support that claim, Envy. You know I'm right – just imagine what would happen if whoever she is discovered you're a homunculus. Humans fear the unknown. You'll terrify her, and she'll run away."

_I can almost imagine her face…_

"You're wrong!" he spat, glaring at his sibling. He didn't have the assurance in his own words, but he couldn't let Lust degrade her like that. "She's better than that."

**_"_****_Defending a human? How dare you."_**

Shivers rattled his spine, and he jerked his gaze to the wall where the voice had come from, and saw a narrow eye opened and watching him from the mass of oozing black.

Pride.

Envy stared in fear as his brother's shadows filled the alley around them, and more eyes and toothy mouths opened in the blackness.

**_"_****_Why are you wasting your breath in favor of human scum? Against your own flesh and blood?"_** Pride's container was nowhere to be seen; no doubt he was simply watching from the lair again. Envy gulped before forcing himself to not appear weak.

"We don't have blood," he quipped, glaring. "What are you talking about?"

**_"_****_Insolence!"_** One of the shadows lashed at him, and Envy ducked aside, watching it retreat afterwards. **_"You dare take that tone with me? I should report you."_**

"You're awfully loyal; for Pride, you grovel a good lot, don't you?" He knew he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't back down, not after what he'd already said. Still, fear trilled through his bones; he was mouthing off to Pride, the oldest of them all – Father's favorite. Just that thought was enough to make him simmer.

"You're pushing it, Envy," Lust droned from the side, bored with the spectacle already.

With that, Envy knew he couldn't rely on her for defense. Just as that realization hit, black shadows flooded the alleyway and piercing pain struck him through the back, giant blades running through his nodes with deadly accuracy. His nerves rebelled; his muscles failed him and he went limp as a boned fish, helpless and now at Pride's mercy.

**_"_****_I'll take no more cheek from you, _****worm****_,"_** the oldest homunculus said darkly, evenly.**_"We'll see what Father has to say about this… human."_**

_No!_ Envy's mind screamed, but the shadows had already begun whisking him away, toward one of the many discreet entrances to the lair. He wanted to thrash, explode, beat Pride to a bloody pulp for being such an arrogant, heartless beast, but he could do none of these. Instead, he hung from the shadow spears, unable to fight or resist in any form or fashion. Pride carted him to the lair, to Father, and to a ruin he was sure would come but wasn't ready to face.

Twenty-five years. He'd only been alive twenty-five years. What would Father do? What would he say? Would he reabsorb him?

Past the guardians, Pride took him, and into the main hall. Light came from a manhole in the ceiling far above, casting dim streams across the vast expanse of Father's throne room. The shadows threw Envy forward onto the concrete, where he gasped with pained breath and cringed as he felt muscle and bone begin to mend itself.

**_"_****_Father, Envy has developed an unhealthy attachment to a human servant girl,"_** Pride declared, like a child giving a tattle-tale. **_"And then he dared to take tone with me, with blatant disrespect and mockery that Lust can attest to. She will be here shortly."_**

The deep shadows in the throne, just out of reach of the greatest shaft of light, shifted the slightest. Father's deem baritone announced itself with a low hum.

"Envy," he said, "what have I told you about the humans? I've warned you of their wiles, haven't I? You understand that it is only in your best interest that I issue these warnings?"

Envy, taking steadying breaths, eased himself up to sit on his knees. After a moment's hesitation, he lifted his head, and peered into the forbidding darkness before him. "But Father… it's just one human. A-And she's not bad. She's nothing like you said! I think she… I think…"

"You think what?" Father prompted. "That she loves you?"

The words sounded odd and mocking, coming from Father's mouth. Envy flinched a little.

Father sighed, with exasperated longsuffering. "Son… Love is just one of the many channels through which humans express their desire to control and manipulate. The ideal that thousands of mortals strive for – something of everlasting commitment, affection, and endless joy – is nonexistent. Their futile striving is what cements their existence as mortals: they see stars and think they are within reach. You, my son, are a star. You are out of their reach."

"But I want to be her star!" Lurching to his feet, Envy clenched his fists and glared into the shadows. "Those who reach with such futility as you say, they are the ones who live longest and live happiest. Maybe what you say is true, and they really reach for nothing at all, but at least they reach. They hope, they dream, and that helps them achieve great things. Better things. They make themselves better…" The ire and passion in his chest began to die as horror swelled at the fact that he'd just raged so fervently against his own creator. "Because… they reach…"

A long, painful silence stretched on after his words trailed off. Piping hissed and rattled, and Envy could hear Pride's shadows swirling nearby, but nothing more, Certainly no noise from Father's throne.

"Have I truly taught you so little?" Father finally said, almost annoyed. He sighed again. "You speak like a human, Envy; these are dangerous notions. The mortals live according to their foolish, self-fashioned law of equivalent exchange. For every good thing must come a bad thing. What goes up, must come down. If one reaches for the unattainable, one sets oneself up for nothing but destruction and bitter disappointment. This is what the human's life ultimately results in. This is the epitome of their existence. And no matter of grand ideas or eloquent speech can change that fact. Would you rather live in a pretty fantasy, where all ends happy and love abounds – or will you cease your stubborn naivety and heed my words? I have lived far longer than you; will you continue to argue against my wisdom?"

Envy clenched his teeth; every word that left his father's lips, he had heard many times, on many occasions, in many different ways. Usually, he soaked them in, drank them up; he wanted Father's approval more than almost everything in the world. He was Father, after all. Envy wanted to please him. But now, with Enya's flushed, smiling face fresh in his mind, the words felt like poison. And to heed them felt like betraying her in some way.

Would he fight for her? Yes. If he could.

_But to not heed the words… that is betraying Father, isn't it? You'd do that for one little human?_

"I would rather live a happy so-called delusion than a joyless so-called truth," Envy spat, a thrill of adrenaline shooting through him at the bold, daring, dangerous words.

Father sighed a third and final time before the throne creaked. Envy still could not see his face. "Pride… I do not have the patience to deal with this now; deal with your brother so that I may have some peace and quiet."

**_"_****_Gladly."_**

The adrenaline turned to terror. With a gasp of lost breath and a trembling glance backward, Envy scrambled to sprint for the nearest door, hoping to escape the shadows he couldn't see. With a chilling whoosh, they pursued him, and he lasted no more than five seconds of freedom before they caught up with and swallowed him.

Hours of grueling agony later, Envy discovered his _true_ true form for the first time. Without the tons of mass of human remains that made up his hideous bestial body, Envy the Jealous was nothing more than an eight-legged slug, slimey and boneless, with bulbous eyes and a sideways, toothy slit for a mouth. Even in his lowest state, he was the ugliest thing to ever walk the earth. Pride reminded him of that many, many times. Then, the oldest homunculus left, his presence vanishing completely and leaving the tiny green slug to himself and his pain.

In this small form, bruises and lacerations remained. They didn't heal; they had no energy to draw upon. His stone was spent; if he wished to regain a human form, he would need a host of some sort – like Pride and his 'container'.

_What would Enya think, seeing me like this? _He mused pitifully to himself, curled up on the cold cement. She was just a human; things like him only existed in fairytales and her worst nightmares. To realize that the boy she'd kissed was a slimy, boneless worm? _Would she… turn away? I look so normal on the outside, but inside… any way you look at it, I'm ugly and I'm pathetic… if she knew… would she leave me?_

_Probably._

But was it really fair to lead her on? He'd never wanted to tell her… but new doubt had seeped into what he thought was love, and now, he couldn't be sure of anything. The only way to ensure it… was to tell her himself. But he didn't know if he had the courage.

_What if she abandons me?_

He didn't know what he'd do then.

But he did know that she deserved the truth.

_Tomorrow… Perhaps tomorrow, I will tell her._

Father's words echoed in his mind, casting more shadows of doubt. _But… what will she say? Will she reject a truth she can't accept? _…Was his faith in her unfounded?

_She is just a human, after all…_

About an hour after Pride left, Envy heard the clack of heels on pavement and felt the vibrations of someone's approach through the cement of the floor. Lust appeared shortly after. She took him to a recently-acquired cadaver, which soon provided Envy with a human form once more.

"Pride is waiting to accompany you into the city," she said, in her usual flat tone. "He wants you at the east door in five minutes. Father's orders."

"Why?" Envy, after stretching cramped muscles, scowled at her warily. What more could Pride do to him? Hadn't he humiliated him enough?

"He didn't tell me. But he's not fooling around, Envy," Lust warned, violet eyes sharp. "It would be in both our best interests if you simply obeyed for once."

"Don't you ever get tired of being bullied, Lust?" He folded his newly regenerated arms over his narrow chest. _Even my body is human; am I supposed to hate humans even when I look like one?_ "Don't you get tired of rolling over and playing pawn?"

She didn't answer. He waited a minute, and soon, his rediscovered sense of self-preservation urged him to leave her behind in favor of finding Pride at the east door. It only took him a few minutes to reach it. Pride's container, a small raven-haired boy, waited for him in the dimming twilight.

"I said _five_ minutes," the boy hissed.

Envy stuck his tongue out at his brother. "Eat me, why don't you."

Pride raised his chin in mutual defiance. "Do not tempt me." Then the child sighed, shaking his head. "Come. We are wasting time." He set off into the darkened streets. The lamps had already been lit, but the orange light did little to combat the night save for small circles about their posts.

As they walked, Envy pondered what Pride and Father could be doing this time. Pride rarely ever left the tunnels; he'd lately been too busy breaking in the newest homunculus, Sloth, and guiding the brute's strength into the start of what would surely be a long, monotonous digging project.

So what was his oldest sibling doing out and about? His shadows were one thing; his fragile little container was another.

Creeping suspicions, however, began haunting him as the neighborhood started to look more familiar with every step. Envy picked out one shop he knew, then another, and another, until he recognized a whole storefront. Then as they rounded the corner to face a grand manorhouse behind a high wall and now-locked gate, a horrible truth reared its ugly head in his mind (it looked an awful lot like his unleashed form): Pride was taking him to Enya.

The torture hadn't been enough. Envy hadn't given in soon enough, or apologized sincerely enough. Now Father and Pride would take out some of his defiance on an innocent girl.

_Is she innocent? She's the one who brought that torture on me in the first place._

He shoved the wicked thought down. She didn't deserve that… as true as the chords rung in his heartless chest.

Pride's shadows easily dispatched the gates and the watcher in the guardhouse. Then the child stepped onto the lawn and the mass of black at his feet erupted, shooting toward the manor and seeping in every crack, visible or no. Pride was surveying the house; finding Enya?

_If he finds her, she stands no chance. She's just a human girl; Pride is… Pride._

Then Pride's haunting voice startled him, despite not being directed toward him. **_"I see you're already up and waiting for us."_** The oldest homunculus sounded far too pleased at this fact. **_"Oh, no, I wouldn't scream if I were you. I'll kill everyone in this house if you do; can't have people seeing too much."_**

Pride turned to Envy. "Come. She's waiting." The boy looked as though he was fighting a smug grin before he turned his back and began stalking toward the house, around to the back, where the servants' entrance awaited them. Envy followed with helpless steps, swallowing hard; but what could he do? If he ran, Pride would likely catch him before he reached the gate and even then, what would that mean for Enya, or the family she served? He couldn't leave them to Pride's non-existent mercy. Pride wouldn't hesitate to slaughter them all to get at Envy. It would work, too.

"Why did we come here?" Playing dumb, Envy glared at the back of his brother's head. "You haven't explained anything."

"Your ability to state the obvious is dazzling," Pride droned, "and if you must know, we're here to exterminate a threat. Something you will be doing often in the future – hopefully, without a babysitter."

"A threat?" Envy snorted, pushing thoughts of Enya aside to appear cavalier. One would have to be an absolute fool to show weakness to the Arrogant one. "What here could possibly threaten Father?"

Pride's smirk was evident in his following words: "Not Father. You."

_So it is Enya._ Dread swelled along with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. The surrounding yard seemed to grow darker. He was marching behind his brother toward what would soon be a murder scene.

_And Father wants you to watch. Because you care. You brought this on yourself._

While Envy stewed in rising fear, Pride easily led the way through the locked servants' door and along the lengthy, narrow hall beyond. They followed his shadows, down to one door on the right under which said shadows had slithered. A slight muttering could be heard from the other side; Enya's voice. Envy gulped.

"Here we are," Pride purred, and unlocked the door from the inside. "And in we come."

The shadows pushed the door open. Inside waited a small, meager room – a handmaid's room, with a single bed covered in simple sheets, an old-looking desk, and a full-length mirror – lit by a single candle in a lamp. Sitting on a bland stool before the desk sat Enya herself, hands gripping under the edge of the seat, knuckles white. Her blue eyes riveted on the door, and on Pride when he stepped in.

As soon as Envy moved, however, her anxious gaze darted to him, ready for danger it seemed, but likely not for him. Those pretty eyes widened, and her lips parted in a silent gasp of horror. She went pale.

"En… Endor?" she breathed, voice shaking.

Pride chortled, shaking his head. "Weren't you just telling Lust that this girl would take your side should she ever find out what you truly are, and yet, you didn't even give her your real name? A wise move, to be sure, but it seems a bit of a contradiction, wouldn't you agree?"

Envy remained silent, and avoided looking at the girl who, only hours before, had him grinning ear to ear like a castle jester. Pride was right; what a fool he'd truly made of himself. And now, a human he'd dared to care about would suffer for it.

_She's just a human! Why do they care so much!?_

What could he do? What could he say? He might as well still be an infant in comparison to his oldest sibling; he stood no chance against Pride, even if he had the courage to stand up to him. He couldn't run; Enya would still die. But could he really stand there and watch Pride dispose of her, as if she were a wilted flower worth nothing but to be thrown out with the rubbish?

"He is called Envy, human," Pride snarled at her. "Don't degrade us by calling him by a common name."

Enya looked back and forth between them, beginning to tremble, until she raised her eyes to Envy once more. "E-Endor, what is he talking about? What's going on?"

Still, she called him Endor. Was it her faith in his word, or was it as Pride said? A desperate denial of what stood right in front of her? He couldn't meet her gaze. It was too hard; ridiculously hard. Too much guilt. Too much cowardice.

_Is this to be my lot? To drag myself to ruin and lack the courage to face it?_

It was his fault. All his fault.

Was it? Or was it Pride's, for bringing him here? Or was it Father's, for ordering this mission?

_Or is it hers?_

That couldn't be possible.

_She's just a human…_

"Well, Envy?" Pride turned to look at him over his shoulder, with a dry look that only the personification of hubris could master. "What are you waiting for?"

Envy jerked his gaze to his brother. "…What?"

"You know the mission. Carry it out."

_"…__here to exterminate a threat…"_

"You mean…" Horror dawned on Envy's face and he tried all the harder not to look at her. "I… I can't…"

Pain, and a slicing sensation in his skull. Darkness. A short moment passed, then the sound of flickering static assaulted his ears, followed by the return of the dim candlelight. Envy found himself lying on his stomach, face pressed into the grains of the floorboards.

_Who… Pride. Ugh._ With a groan, he struggled to drag himself to his hands and knees. As the ringing in his ears dissipated, he registered the tail end of a scream before something muffled it. Enya. His secret, or at least part of it, was out. Then Pride cursed.

"You had to do that?" The oldest homunculus sighed in exasperation, then turned his violet eyes to Envy. "We're short on time. Do as I say! Father's orders!"

_Kill her?_

_Can I? No… I can't… I won't…_

_She's just a puny little human! Are you really so cowardly? So willing to throw away your creator's approval?_

_Kill her._

_All you have to do sacrifice one little human and Father is pleased with you again. Pride will leave you alone. She's just one human. Just one little human. She'll die soon anyway. You, meanwhile, will have to live with the shame of your folly for hundreds of years, should you defy Father again. You'll be like Greed. _

_Question is: do you have the sense to do the logical thing?_

"No…" Envy closed his eyes in a cringe, preparing himself for more retaliation from the shadows.

"You slithering mutant scum!" A shadow struck out and Pride coiled it around Envy's neck, hoisting him up with a pointed glare that could put Lust's spears to shame. "Are you truly so desperate for self-assurance that you reduce yourself to _their _level? She's a _human_! Despite the fact that your interest in her is utterly disgusting, nothing would ever come of it because you will outlive her by millennia. Besides that, are you not truly nothing but a monstrous beast of burden beneath that boyish exterior? You were created to serve one purpose and one purpose alone: to do Father's will. You have no individuality; you are nothing. You are a tool. Now _do your job_!"

With a snarl, Pride hurled Envy onto the floor at Enya's feet. Splinters drove themselves under his skin. Hissing in pain, Envy glared over his shoulder; anything to keep from looking up at those blue eyes. Anything at all. He couldn't do it.

Could he?

"Do you wish to please Father?" Pride leveled a dull stare at him, eyes bright with affronted conceit. "Do not deny it; we all know it. Father has no use for humans, and neither do you. He designed you for this purpose; you do not belong with them. You belong with us. For us. _Against_ them. Take your place among us. Take this first step toward your true purpose. Make Father proud."

"Endor…" she whispered.

_Even now, she refuses to use your real name…_

He couldn't look at her. Even after he rose to his feet, he stared at the floor between them. If he looked her in the face, something would break. He would break.

What did breaking feel like?

_It feels like fire and ashes and heartbreak. Fire she started, the ashes of your humanity, and the breaking of a heart you don't have. _

_"…__nothing but a beast…"_

_"…__utterly disgusting…"_

_"__She's a human…"_

_And I'm not._

_I'm not human._

_I will never be human._

_Can never be human._

_Humanity will never accept me._

And in that moment, he hated humanity. For upon the heads of humans, good and bad alike, were graced ideals of love and happiness and peace that he would never taste of. Not knowing what he was. Not only was he a homunculus, but the ugliest, most vile of them all.

Even among his own kind, he was a black sheep. They were all artificial humans. He was… a thing. Arms and legs and skin turned green with rot and envy, limp hair, and countless, countless faces all cobbled together. Faces that didn't belong to him, but that he could mimic detail for detail. He had no face of his own. No human face, at least. He was an abomination. The Ultimate Abomination.

And Enya… even she, in her meager straits, her simple life, had everything he could never have. She was human. He was not.

For all his power and supernatural might, he could not even compare to a servant girl.

He raised his gaze. He felt a hardness in his face that hadn't been there before. It narrowed his eyes, pinched his mouth, drew taut his cheeks until they almost looked sunken. He felt the bitterness swelling in him, and knew she saw it when their eyes met, for she gulped and leaned back on her stool, away from him, despite the fact that they stood only feet apart.

_She's afraid. She's afraid of you._

"En… Endor?" she squeaked, fear written over her face, singing in every shaky tone of her voice.

_See? Even now, she refuses to accept it. _

He tried not to bend to the terror in her sweet eyes. This… was what Father wanted. What he was made for. He was not human. He would never be human. She was human. And she did this to him; she was the cause of this new, potent pain. Father issued the nail. Pride handed him the hammer. And Envy would drive it home, shattering each and every fragile tie that held him bound to this mortal race. Starting with the strongest link.

He willed his forearms to shift into blades, a trick he'd recently mastered. Inanimate objects were difficult, but handy in… certain situations. Like this one. He watched her face pale further, and swallowed down the humanity that threatened to claw its way up his throat.

_She's just a human._

"I'm sorry," he croaked out. Then his blade struck.

Something in him snapped. At the sight of red oozing across the blade that was his hand, a shadow fell over his mind. He relinquished himself to the promise of numbness; he didn't want to feel this strange agony that threatened to consume him. And so he watched from behind a haze as his body tore the human girl to shreds. Blood flew across the walls; he took his newfound rage out on her corpse and held nothing back.

It was her fault, after all. All her fault.

_She's just a human. She's human! Only human! AND I'M NOT!_

When his work was complete, he let out an inhuman scream that sounded distinctly like his unleashed roar, a thousand voices all blending together in one long howl of utter despair. Then it was done, and Pride smirked his smirk. Envy panted at the center of the room, covered in blood and staring at nothing.

They killed four more humans on the way out, those who came to investigate the racket pulsing from Enya's quarters. Envy didn't remember their faces. Like a blur, he'd seen them and slaughtered them. Nothing more.

When they returned to the lair, Father took in his fourth child's bloodied appearance and nodded once. That was as close to approval as he would get tonight. But it was… enough, perhaps. For now. For some reason, though, it didn't take away the new hollow ache in Envy's center. Perhaps that was here to stay.

"Good work, my sons," said Father, sounding emotionless as usual. "Envy, you have redeemed yourself for the time being. If you continue to behave, then trials such as these will be unnecessary." He waved a hand then, dismissing them.

Envy turned on his heel, robotically. He was ready to retreat to his quarters. To never come out again. Or maybe he would, eventually. But only after a long, long while. Or unless Father told him to.

"Oh, and Envy?"

He paused, and glanced back at his creator, who looked at him rather curiously.

Father braced his broad chin in his palm. "You should really try something different with your appearance. You are far too bland. Remember, you are Envy; inspire envy in others!"

Two weeks later, Envy reemerged into the human world with long olive hair that reached his waist and fitted clothes that showed off a lithe frame. He, with his eternal youth and his perfect form and his massive strength and his heartlessness… yes, he would inspire envy in others.

For that is what Father wanted.

And Envy was not human.

_But I want to be._

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you guys thought! :) I love getting feedback.**


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